[ his eyes go wide at first, then soft, head slightly tilting downwards but vision ahead, still looking up— armada could have very well done that, but . . . he chose not to.
his heart lurches midway through the response, almost sickening him as it shoots to his throat. he looks down, a side glance toward his hands, still covered by his mittens, the x-gloves he refuses to take off in fear of coming across another surprise attack, of being even more unprepared. the gloves he took up because he wanted it, to protect the people he loved like family from the start. they aren't meant for killing, he thinks, and even begins to doubt his choice and power. if it never happened, no one would have been after him and his friends to indirectly take him down, right? his life wouldn't have been turned upside down thanks to the crazy mafia shenanigans that revolved around him. he wouldn't be "vongola tenth". he wouldn't even be in the cdc— he'd be just good old no-good tsuna.
he wouldn't have had everything he has, now, including those loved ones, either. he'd be alone, depressed, and never would he have grown as much as he did. thinking again, he was lucky— he was lucky to have the people that surrounded him back home. he cherishes that, and he wouldn't trade it for normalcy even if it knocked on his door.
he has too much to lose if it happens again.
he felt sick, mostly because a large part of him didn't want to believe it, as much as it held a painful truth. this wouldn't be the last time. he'll try his absolute hardest to avoid it, that was a fact— but, if he had to, if he truly had to . . . what would he do? would he be able to? he didn't even want to think about it, to be honest—
his thoughts are interrupted when armada tilts his chin back up. his eyes, again, go briefly wide with surprise, and for a moment, he stares. they don't cascade, but tears do build, subtle and repressed. ]
If it does, I . . .
[ it hurts to think, both ways— ]
Won't . . . Survive.
[ he says it as if he's understood— something a strong, bold woman once said to him. if you die here, it means you would have only been a burden. if you want to live, you must survive. if you want anyone to live— survive. endure. endure suddenly rings louder, the last thing he heard from yamamoto.
feeling was hard. taking lives was hard when all you want is a happy ending for everything— life was never all happy endings, though. ]
[ Armada tilts his head, but does not take his hand away from Tsuna's chin. His skin is flushed, his heart is beating hard. The change in his body temperature and the flutter of his breathing signal his distress.
[ he says it without much thought, and considering the response, there was little thought put into it. it's all heart as he continues to look up, watch his instructor with swollen eyes. there's much silence before he speaks again, distress mixing with fear that mixes with his will deep down, imagining each and every one of his friends. his family. the hand at his side, holds his pocket, containing a charm that made him feel closer to them than anything when he was far away, a little handmade charm of protection, a fish printed over its front.
it didn't actually protect him— it was a charm, and some might thing it's a silly little amulet made by a silly little girl. but, to tsuna, it was much more. each time he held it or touched it, he saw them. just the thought of the cdc destroying them all because he didn't obey was gut and heart-wrenching, slowly bringing certain determination to his tears, perhaps a touch of anger that this was all happening, then channeling feelings against the organization to his words. he wouldn't let them, he wouldn't let anyone— ]
I'd— I'd die if it meant keeping them safe. But . . .
[ he stands straighter, laying his heart on the table. he wouldn't let them die, and for that— ]
[ Armada nods, and lowers his hand from Tsunayoshi's face. Though still clearly compromised, he seems to have found tentative footing. That is a start. It is the groundwork from which Green is built upon. ]
Then you know you must overcome this to survive. I have always said that in order to protect others you must protect yourself. We are a team. We are here to hold one another up.
They have done nothing but exist. It is the nature of that which is stronger to overcome that which it can surpass.
[ Armada acknowledges the leap in Tsunayoshi's thought. He is hurting over their choices, but there is no explanation that will satisfy him emotionally. Armada does not try. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
his heart lurches midway through the response, almost sickening him as it shoots to his throat. he looks down, a side glance toward his hands, still covered by his mittens, the x-gloves he refuses to take off in fear of coming across another surprise attack, of being even more unprepared. the gloves he took up because he wanted it, to protect the people he loved like family from the start. they aren't meant for killing, he thinks, and even begins to doubt his choice and power. if it never happened, no one would have been after him and his friends to indirectly take him down, right? his life wouldn't have been turned upside down thanks to the crazy mafia shenanigans that revolved around him. he wouldn't be "vongola tenth". he wouldn't even be in the cdc— he'd be just good old no-good tsuna.
he wouldn't have had everything he has, now, including those loved ones, either. he'd be alone, depressed, and never would he have grown as much as he did. thinking again, he was lucky— he was lucky to have the people that surrounded him back home. he cherishes that, and he wouldn't trade it for normalcy even if it knocked on his door.
he has too much to lose if it happens again.
he felt sick, mostly because a large part of him didn't want to believe it, as much as it held a painful truth. this wouldn't be the last time. he'll try his absolute hardest to avoid it, that was a fact— but, if he had to, if he truly had to . . . what would he do? would he be able to? he didn't even want to think about it, to be honest—
his thoughts are interrupted when armada tilts his chin back up. his eyes, again, go briefly wide with surprise, and for a moment, he stares. they don't cascade, but tears do build, subtle and repressed. ]
If it does, I . . .
[ it hurts to think, both ways— ]
Won't . . . Survive.
[ he says it as if he's understood— something a strong, bold woman once said to him. if you die here, it means you would have only been a burden. if you want to live, you must survive. if you want anyone to live— survive. endure. endure suddenly rings louder, the last thing he heard from yamamoto.
feeling was hard. taking lives was hard when all you want is a happy ending for everything— life was never all happy endings, though. ]
What do I do—? I-I don't know how I'll react if—
no subject
[ Armada tilts his head, but does not take his hand away from Tsuna's chin. His skin is flushed, his heart is beating hard. The change in his body temperature and the flutter of his breathing signal his distress.
]
Would you rather die, or keep your family safe?
no subject
[ he says it without much thought, and considering the response, there was little thought put into it. it's all heart as he continues to look up, watch his instructor with swollen eyes. there's much silence before he speaks again, distress mixing with fear that mixes with his will deep down, imagining each and every one of his friends. his family. the hand at his side, holds his pocket, containing a charm that made him feel closer to them than anything when he was far away, a little handmade charm of protection, a fish printed over its front.
it didn't actually protect him— it was a charm, and some might thing it's a silly little amulet made by a silly little girl. but, to tsuna, it was much more. each time he held it or touched it, he saw them. just the thought of the cdc destroying them all because he didn't obey was gut and heart-wrenching, slowly bringing certain determination to his tears, perhaps a touch of anger that this was all happening, then channeling feelings against the organization to his words. he wouldn't let them, he wouldn't let anyone— ]
I'd— I'd die if it meant keeping them safe. But . . .
[ he stands straighter, laying his heart on the table. he wouldn't let them die, and for that— ]
I'm going to stay alive to do it.
no subject
Then you know you must overcome this to survive. I have always said that in order to protect others you must protect yourself. We are a team. We are here to hold one another up.
[ The instructor tilts his head. ]
Do you understand?
no subject
[ he had to understand. understanding didn't always mean accepting, but— he had to. ]
Sir-? Can I just ask— Why? These planets . . .
[ so beautiful, full of life, each unique to their own space. and yet— ]
What are they doing to go through all this?
no subject
[ Armada acknowledges the leap in Tsunayoshi's thought. He is hurting over their choices, but there is no explanation that will satisfy him emotionally. Armada does not try. ]